Empty

So, I have been struggling for the last couple of weeks and really badly the last couple of days.  I know God loves me and will never abandon me and I am so grateful beyond words for that.  He truly is my rock without which I would be nothing.

But right now, I am struggling with the knowledge that I am less than.  That there is something about me that sends people away or causes them to leave.  No one ever stays. Eventually everyone goes away.  Where are these great friendships that you hear about and see of people who remain close all their lives. I know I am not pretty, and I know I am fat and unattractive, but my heart was once so loyal and honest.  I always tried to be the best friend I could conceive of, but it was never enough.

I am never enough.  I am not worth keeping around. And today, I am just lost in the darkness of my memories and the reality of every morning of my life, and a endless empty future I see streatching out before me.

Call it a pity party. Call it being selfish. Call it depression. Call it whatever you want, words don't really matter when you stare out at the emptiness of your life with a heart that bleeds with multiple soul weary wounds.

That's all.shruggs, Doesn't really matter anyway.