Christmas Eve

I hate this evening.  It is the second worst time of the year.  Second only to my birthday.  I sit an watch movies and read books only to get to the last page and find an emptiness that just echoes off the silent walls.  Knowing I have no where to go. Knowing that tomorrow will just be a repeat of today, that there is no such thing as "Christmas magic".  Knowing that stories don't always have a happy ending. And like my birthday, sitting in the cold dark knowing that another year of my life has passed leaving only lonely empty echoes of dreams that never came true. Having to face a future that promises nothing but more of the same and feeling a little more of the tiny piece of hope that is left, die until all that is left is a memory of a dream of being loved and wanted and of belonging.... somewhere. 

Words......words words words words.... blah blah blah blah ....years of words, years of emptiness, years of hope, slowly draining away until all that is left is duty and honor.  Later, when this has passed there will be fun again I am sure, but for now, there is no Joy, there is no Peace, and there is no Hope.  Not on this Earth anyway.  I am sure there will be all that and more someday, but I can't really even imagine what love is, not when I have never even seen its shadow.

I am pretty sure no one reads this, but just in case you do, no comments are needed. Somethings just ....are.
Thanks