The weirdest thing happened today. I got a rebuke from someone about something I had done, and I deserved the rebuke, but I did not deserve the sanctions and I replied to the email like a woman of God. I’ll admit I had to erase some words before I hit reply, (thank you Jesse for teaching me how I use words to hit back and manipulate people so I can watch for that tendency in myself). And I even called my mentor to ask her advice with willingness to submit to her authority if she thought I was in the wrong. But I responded eloquently and with respect to authority without being a floor mat. I accepted the rebuke and the sanction of the person with dignity and expressed my belief that she was fair in the rebuke, but wrong in her assessment and the sanction. And I did it all with submission to authority.
Perhaps not of extraordinary note to anyone else, but it was the first time in my life that I have stood as an equal and not the poor little screwed up girl. I am still pretty screwed up, but today I stood up for myself as a woman of God with talents and gifts from Him that are worthy of respect. Not as a child to accept punishment, but as a woman of equal standing in the Father’s eyes to accept rebuke for saying something out of place without feeling like a little girl that has just been slapped. For the first time in my life, I am seeing something God has placed in me that is truly of worth. Not because of CR exactly, but because of the things that CR has allowed me to express and participate in, I am seeing that I have gifts in both the area of music and in teaching from God and it is not my problem if those gifts are not accepted or encouraged by others around me. It is actually their loss. :)
I feel content with this.
1 comment:
Cool, Beck> Glad we could talk today. I'm praying and will pray. ;)
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