Pondering my own nature

Last night, about 2:30 am I awoke to the sounds of popping noises and the faint sound of men shouting and peeked out my kitchen window to the sight of the house next door (roughly 15/20 feet away totally engulfed in flames shooting high into the night sky. Fire out of control is a monster and after quickly dressing, I went outside to watch the firefighters work on putting it out. It took almost 3 hours for them to be able to leave (around 5 am). So as I was standing by the fence admiring how efficiently and quickly they worked to contain the fire, I also contemplated how CLOSE my house is to that house and the flames shooting up 20 or 30 feet or more into the night sky. There was not even the hint of a breath of wind and I considered how differently this story might have ended had there been even the hint of a breeze. there is a fairly large bushy tree that is on the fence line between our houses and it is fairly scorched with a fire line within 2 feet of the fence on the neighbor's side. How close?

How close did I come to being asleep and my house on fire? God obviously has something for me still to do here, but as I walked in a field today I looked back at the road and wished I had someone to rescue me. Last night, as I stood for 3 hours and watched firefighters battle I wished I had someone to call - just to say I was scared, but there was no one. No one I feel comfortable calling at 3 in the morning just to say I was scared. God rescued me last night, but I had to stand there alone in the dark afraid and lonely. I can't even explain the loneliness I face every single (key word there LOL) day of my life. And the rescue thing is just a moment, sometimes I do wish that I had someone who would rescue me from a life I was never designed to live, but mostly I just wish for someone to be here to hold my hand when I have to face the fires of life. That's all. No rescue really, just be here. I really need God to bring that person into my life. The longer I live, the worse this longing becomes and the harder it is to have hope.

And yet, what other option is there?