You Matter - Band of Sisters

Chapter 8

This chapter is about how Dr. P got together a group of 7 women with no real agenda except to become a group of women who interact and fellowship with each other. Not as a Bible study group or accountability group, just a group that meets once a month and discusses whatever question that month’s host poses. The chapter then offers up her question of, “As a woman, how do you make a difference in the world?”

Then she describes the conversation that followed and how it was obvious to everyone that each woman there made significant differences in the world around them, but often it seemed unclear or hidden to the woman making the difference. When surrounded by their sisters, the difference each woman was making was obvious and highlighted so that she could see it clearly because her sisters could see it so clearly. How often we go through life feeling useless and worthless because we don’t “see” or “feel” the difference we make in the world around us. What we need is a “band of sisters” who can show us where we are making that difference.

Especially in the south where we are taught never to “toot” our own horn it seems arrogant and prideful to acknowledge the ways in that we make a difference. I am reminded of the times when Jesse would tell me that I made a difference in the lives of the children I teach weather I see it or not and how hard it was to accept that he spoke the truth because I thought anyone can do what I do, it’s nothing special.
Sometimes, it takes the observations and insights of others to help us see how the pieces of our lives, when collected and displayed, are more beautiful and meaningful than we could ever imagine on our own.

It helps us in our difference making when we have a “band of sisters” who are on the same path who can discuss, support, and critique each other in our quest. A small intimate group of women who are thoughtful and committed to changing the world, one path at a time.

Then she talks about how each of us needs this small group of women around us and there I hit a wall … again. There is no small group of women that I can call friends. I see no one and I rarely talk to anyone. I live to far away for any of them to visit me and they are too busy after church on Sundays to make time for me there. In fact I have heard this complaint from several of the women I know in my church. “I wanted to do something, but I was just too busy.” And suddenly I am reminded of the recent past where I realized that we have let the world into the church. Not by bad deeds or harsh criticisms, or in any obvious way, but by allowing our lives to be so BUSY that we are not connected to each other outside of Sunday morning and a couple of hours two nights a month. Over and over I hear the apology and the explanation and I do understand that life is constantly happening, but where is the dedication to fellowshipping with each other? Am I the only one who desperately desires to fellowship and just talk about God in my life to others?

I miss it so much that I have even considered going to another church on Sunday evenings so I could get more of this fellowship relationship that I crave with other Christians. I “hang out” and am friends with people half my age because they are the only ones who are not consumed with their lives and living and family and etc.

I do understand that we have to live in the world and that requires work, but I don’t understand why no one wants more. Even with this book, there are those who have considered reading it along with me and getting together to discuss it. I don’t know if it will actually happen, because no one wants to fight to get closer to God. Why? I crave it like a drug that I desperately need. Both the fellowship and the closer relationship to my Father and I can’t help but wonder if I am the only one. I feel like I am. And then God just tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me of the prophet who was complaining to God about being all alone and God told him that He had several thousand who were still His and had not bowed to Baal and the prophet just didn’t know about them.

So, all I know is that all I hear from the people whom I wish were part of my fellowship, were the iron that I need to sharpen iron, is silence. Perhaps it is because I live in another town or perhaps it is because they are too busy, regardless, why are we not a band of brothers and sisters? Why are we not coming together of our own choice more often so that iron can sharpen iron. I am not talking about Sunday School or the Ladies Meetings because those are more about learning from a teacher, I am talking about US, God’s people, coming together for interaction, for fellowship, for fun, for conversation, for seeking truth. Am I the only one who craves this enough to look for it wherever I can find it? The sad thing is the moment I stop fighting for it, it falls away again. I am tired of asking people who say sure, and then life gets busy and they forget or it just never happens. Not that I am perfect…. FAR FAR from it, but I know I have tried so many times to find someone to mentor with, to interact and hang out with, and over and over they fall away or life gets to busy or they just don’t want to spend their time hanging out discussing God when they “need” to be doing something else.

This, more than anything else is the REAL reason I desperately miss Reality Check, therapy, whatever you wanted to call our little group. It was a group of peers who simply wanted to fellowship together and talk about God. I miss it like a piece of my heart is missing. I miss the camaraderie and the friendship and the fellowship and how we cared about each other outside of the official meeting time and place and our lives intersected constantly. Perhaps that is the gift of singleness as well as the curse. We have the time and desire and craving to fellowship with others, but those with family seem to be consumed with living and interacting only with their families. They just don’t have time, I am told, but wish it could be different.

I truly don’t know what is what here. Perhaps it is just the way things are and I am crazy to think or wish for anything different. Perhaps that is the curse of living in a small town with few people and fewer still single and able to gather and fellowship without issues of babysitters and family dinners and laundry and etc. I just know that I crave that fellowship and I don’t know how to get it. The only people who seem able or willing are too young to be my peers and I am starting to feel my age.