Drowning

Empty, everything is so very empty. Adrift, alone, and empty. It's like a black hole appeared inside my mind and is imploding leaving only bits and slivers of leftover emotions lying around in lackadasical chaos. Connections to those I thought were my friends and addopted family are snapping like ice coated cables in a sub freezing storm. Even God dosen't talk to me anymore. Perhaps He really is tired of me. I can't really blame Him, no one else can stand me either. I am struggling so hard to keep my head above the water... to keep "positive" until I want to puke. I am so tired, I don't even know why I keep swimming. Why do I keep swimming? I do it because I have been doing it so long my arms and legs don't know how to stop. Maybe God will take pity on me and end this endless drowning. One way or another, and at the moment I don't particulary care which way. I wonder if this is how my dad felt, there, at the end.